


Momoharu week 2020!

by peach_scones



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Momoharu Week 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23970214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peach_scones/pseuds/peach_scones
Summary: I decided to join in on the momoharu week! I've decided on writing small (?) fics instead of drawing or editing! Hope u guys enjoy.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. my fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why do you hold hands like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly a bunch of my feelings and feelings i feel like kaito would have mixed together 😳

Hopes peak was a place where only really smart people got in, people who had a better chance of actually getting somewhere. Forging documents isn't exactly the most legal thing but, he passed the exam at least, that's what matters, right? He was smart. 

Kinda. 

The only thing occupying space in his head were the stars and the moon, the solar system and the entire galaxy. Nothing else retained space in there, except for what he'd eat later but that wasn't really permanent. When he got into hopes peak, he was just as surprised as anyone else. He didn't think he'd make it, but he did. He said bye to his grandparents and three friends, and headed to his new future... hopefully. He was put in class 3, and was put in class three's dormitories. The school was huge, each class got a section of the building. He began to unpack when someone knocked at his door. His now best friend was once a stranger. "Hey.. I didn't know you got here already.. Who brought you?" He wasn't really paying attention to the person, they kept rambling but apologized and grabbed their stuff and rushed out the door. "Um. Long hair?.." He gestured how long their hair was. "Oh. Shinguji, of course.. I didn't think about that.. Welcome, I'm Saihara Shuichi.." He smiled at him and waited for a response. "Oh.. Yeah, thanks, man. I'm Momota Kaito." 

Shortly, they became friends, all of them did. They ate at the table together and they were all friends. Even Hoshi. One day Shuichi decided to join Kaito on going to the campus gym. There, Kaito met someone else, something that occupied space in his "thick head." He'd seen her before, she was actually in their class, she tended to drift away from the boys though. Unlike Miu or Tenko who mixed into both of the groups. She occasionally talked to Shuichi. "Oh, hey Harukawa!" Shuichi waved at her and she waved back. They continued walking to the corner of the gym that Kaito usually occupied. "Who was that?" "Oh? Harukawa?... I talk to her sometimes. We had a project together.. she can be kind of intimidating but she's nice.." 

Shuichi introduced Kaito to her when they were eating lunch. Just like with Shuichi, they all became friends. At first Harukawa didn't really occupy that space in his head, he didn't think about her 24/7. He didn't like her that way. But slowly, she began to open up to him. They eventually began to hang out, just the two of them. That's when she began to occupy that space in his head. When it wasn't the milky way and the three constellations he couldn't seem to remember, it was her. He didn't know _why_ it was her, it just was. He didn't mean to like her, well, not in that way.. he just did. Having something like that just seemed distracting to him, he'd actually been trying, so if he did get caught for forging things then maybe they'd cut him a bit of slack since he was actually a teensy bit smart. What if she began to be the only thing he ever thought about? Nothing else. It was scary, but he wouldn't mind it. He wanted to stop liking her but he couldn't. Everywhere he went it was Maki. "Maki would like that," "That reminds me of Maki," "Sounds like something Maki would say." It was like he was in elementary school again. Why was it so hard to stop liking her? He didn't like anyone else. He just liked Maki. 

"Hey, have you heard of the red string of fate?" Maki shook her head, "The what?.. No.." She picked up another piece of food from her bento box. The air blew lighter, it blew her hair out of her way, so she could eat. It was mesmerizing, he forgot to speak but began to before she could notice he was staring at her. He cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah, Shinguji was telling us about it last night while we were eating.. It's kinda cool, how have you not heard of it though?" He raised the juice box to his lips and drank from the straw. She shrugged and wiped her mouth, "Maybe I've heard of it or something, but I don't know what it really is." He placed the juice box on the floor again and the air blew. "Supposedly the gods or something tied a one side of the string to you and another to your soulmate." Maki never liked relationship things. When Kaede and Shuichi began dating, Maki wasn't as excited as everyone else was. He'd seen her get excited, it's not like she's never shown emotion before. What if she thought it was stupid. She nodded and kept eating. "And- it can stretch or tangle but it never breaks." He raises his hand and points at his little finger. "They say it's tied on the little finger." She wiped her mouth and looked at her finger. "I don't know if I should believe it or not, either way, how are you even supposed to know?" He shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe it just feels right." 

And that's when it hit him. This felt right. They both were holding their little fingers out. Maybe this stupid red string was a hoax, but coming from someone like Shinguji, who dedicated their life to the study of these types of things, he felt like there was some sort of credibility.

When Kaito got back, he sat on the couch and made sure that nobody else was there, that he was the first one. Once Shinguji walked through the door, Kaito glanced at the door. "Evening, Momota." This was stupid. "Uh- Hey, Shinguji.." They took their tote bag from their shoulder and hung it on one of the hooks on the door. Should he even ask? What if they don't know? God, this is dumb. But if anyone were to make fun of him, it wouldn't be them. "Hey, can I ask you something?" Shinguji nodded while they slid their shoes off. "Yes, of course, what is it?" Kaito sighed, this is so dumb. "About yesterday.. The string thing you told us.. I was just wondering how you can even know you met your soulmate.. Like, with the thread." They nodded again, "It's a bit complicated. I suppose you'd just know. It feels right. Hmm, for example, if you'd been apart for a long time but once you reunite, everything is the same.. That sort of authenticity and normality is what lets them know. If you grow apart in the time you're apart with no contact, they're not your other half. Why do you ask, if you do not mind my asking." He shook his head, "No, I was just curious. Thanks." 

Kaito went to the arts room and searched around for a red sewing thread. He cut off a bit and brought it back to his room. This was actually stupid, but there wasn't really any going back. He'd just feel like a wimp. He asked to have one of Shinguji's plain cards and stuck the red thread inside. 

Kaito was heading back to the rooms when he heard someone coming up behind him. "Momota." He turned around and saw Maki, she was holding the card. This would probably be the most embarrassing moment of his life. "Oh, hey, Harumaki.." He smiled, trying his best not to seem like a nervous wreck. She raised the letter and pointed at it, "Did you write this?" He looked at the card, maybe he shouldn't admit it. It was a stupid idea. He swallowed, it's better to fail at trying instead of not trying at all. "Yeah, I did.. It's stupid-" Maki smiled and a light blush spread across her cheeks. "You idiot." She handed him a folded piece of paper and walked off. 

That's why we hold hands by intertwining our little fingers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHH oh my god this came out cuter than I thought it would.. I decided to put a bit of a spin to the whole confession thing haha.. I hope u guys enjoyed, if anyone sees this at all! If you're participating in the momoharu week, good luck! :D


	2. coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ding ding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know what to do with this theme,, was considering skipping the day but I got bored so, here you are!

_Ding ding!~_

"Welcome.." He scrubbed at the counters, someone spilled their coffee while paying, he gave them it on the house, they probably knew how stupidly nice he was. It wasn't really rare for people to take advantage of him like that.. which kinda sucked. The person walked to the counter and looked up at the menu, he gave them a second. He kept scrubbing and then looked up from the counter and directly into Harukawa Maki's eyes. 

Now. Listen. 

Maki wasn't normally someone with friends, she was the popular unpopular person (as cliche as that sounds, it was true..), Kaede Akamatsu kept her attached to her hip as well as Miu and Shirogane. She never talked, but it wasn't like she wasn't there. She was intimidating but a lot of guys found her cute, people said that nobody dared catcall her, if they did, they'd be missing the next day. It was surprisingly funny, but she wasn't mean, she was nice.. to an extent.. Kaito had actually sat next to her on the bus for a school trip last year, they played rock paper scissors and other games on their way there. He sat with Rantaro on the way back, they never really spoke again after that. He found himself liking her a tiny bit, it was easy for him to like people, he liked people no matter who they were. It was stupid, she was bored too and probably didn't want to ignore him. But sometimes he'd see her in the hall or across the classroom, he really couldn't help but stare at her. Everyone noticed but her, or maybe she _did_ notice and thought he was creepy, regardless.. 

"Hey there, what can I get you?" He smiled and leaned against the counter. She stared at him, kind of taken aback. Maybe people weren't that nice to her, or maybe she thought " _that's that creepy dude who stares at me in the hallways"_ She cleared her throat. "Black coffee and.." She pointed to a three pack of sandwiches in the display case. "One of those." He nodded "Got it, name?" He knew her name but it would be even more creepy if he called her name out and she didn't even tell her it. "Haru.. Harukawa." He nodded again and went to go prepare the coffee she ordered, it was kinda something you'd expect from someone like her. He finished making the coffee and realized he forgot to ask if he wanted it here. She was sitting at a table and not standing at the front counter, but just to be sure he decided to pour it in one of the to go cups, honestly it made life that much easier if she needed to go or something. He got the sandwiches she asked for from the back counter and placed her items at the pick up area. "Harukawa?" She looked up from her phone and went to the counter. "Want a plate for the sandwiches?" He pointed at the sandwiches and smiled, she nodded "Yes, please." He took a plate from besides the cups and put it next to the sandwiches. "Enjoy." She placed the sandwiches on top of the plate, grabbed her cup and headed back to her table. 

* * *

Out of all places, he'd need to work _there_. She'd never seen him there though, was he new? She wanted to ask but that was a bit weird. So she opted for the next best thing, Akamatsu. She pulled her phone from her bag and took a sip of the coffee _._ It tasted good, he genuinely took his time on making it, it's not like there was a line though. It was weird, she found herself being somewhat fond of him, he was kind of like a kid.. which was _also_ weird. She hated kids. Nonetheless, he reminded her of a kid who was just stuck in some big tough exterior. He kind of looked angry if he wasn't smiling, which was odd. He was always smiling about something, anything. Even around Ouma, who, in her opinion was annoying in every single way. He was too nice for his own good. They met because Akamatsu and all of her other friends went on a separate bus for some reason. He struggled at sitting down anywhere until he just decided to sit in the next empty seat, which was the one next to her. He asked to sit there and she just shrugged. They played stupid games for an hour until they arrived, his laugh was something resembling that of a child, it made her want to smile. She didn't though. "Hey, you know the coffee shop in the middle of the district?" Kaede's pink text bubble appeared in not even a minute, she was always on her phone if she wasn't preforming or something. "Yes? What about it? Asking me on a date, Maki-Maki? ;D" She scoffed and looked up to make sure it was safe for her to keep texting and walking. "Did Momota always work there?" Kaede's bubble popped up again. "Oh!! Yes, he did. Miu and I went to the district a month ago and we stopped by, he gave us free sweets with our drinks! Why are u asking, Haru-Haru? (゜▽゜*)♪" She obviously couldn't tell her that she liked him or anything, the entire school would know. Kaede was good at keeping personal secrets but was horrible with romance ones. She blabbed out when Shirogane and Tojo began dating. "No, nothing. I saw him there for the first time, I just didn't know. Thanks." Kaede sent her a heart emoji and Maki shoved her phone back into her bag. 

* * *

_Ding Ding!~_

He looked up from just aimlessly standing at the counter, waiting for someone to enter. "Good morning, Welcome!" He smiled wide, and low and behold, it was Harukawa again. For some reason he'd been anticipating her coming in, the only two other people in the place were two middle school girls, he gave them cupcakes because one of them had mentioned it was her birthday the other week and...... "Hello?" Kaito snapped out of his daze and slightly bowed "Sorry, I spaced out.." He let out a nervous laugh, "What can I get you today, Harukawa?" He smiled at her and tapped his fingers against the counter. "You don't need to bow to me.." she sighed and shook her head, "It's fine.. Anyway, can I get a latte?.." He nodded, "Vanilla?" "Yes, please.." He smiled "Got it, any deserts or anything?" She shrugged, "I wanted something sweet, I don't know what to get though." Something sweet? That's totally not something someone like her would order, was he dreaming? Is that why he spaced out?.. "Cream puff? There's a whole bunch of them in different flavors, vanilla is kinda bad though." He let out a small laugh and she slightly smiled, only for her lips to go back into a line again. "I'll get a chocolate one then." 

He got the latte ready and the cream puff too, he took the chocolate drizzle and blanketed the cream puff with it, and put a strawberry pocky stick on the side. He set the plate and coffee cup on the pickup counter. "Harukawa!" She went to the counter and had a small blush across her cheeks. She smiled "Thanks.." She placed a napkin on the counter after taking her items. Kaito picked it up and on it there was a number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh yes, the casual coffee shop setting, haha.. i really just didn't know what to do.. This was more out of character with Kaito but I'm not too sure lol. Most of my fics will take place in a non-despair au or after the killing game, thought i'd mention it! None of the fics will connect, just small little scenarios or whatever. One of them might be edgy? ;O ohoho, mayhaps.. ヾ(≧▽≦*)o anyway, hope u enjoyed! thanks for reading <3


	3. Garden of stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am not horrible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for a mention of scars? not sh, but just a mention, i just wanted 2 make sure everyone is safe <33

It was so dark and scary, the first time she'd actually killed anyone. She did it, but she felt- She felt like crying, but she couldn't. They trained her not to, she was a puppy that obeyed every order it's master gave. She wanted to cry so much that she didn't cry at all. She threw up, but she never cried. She felt horrible, but in due time those horrible feelings went away. She didn't let those feelings do as much as get in the way anymore, she knew how to control them, everything was just normal to her. So when the _normal_ was given to her, she didn't know what it was or how to feel with that new normal. This wasn't her normal. Kaito was normal, he became her normal. He taught her how to be normal, and eventually she felt normal. But sometimes there were the nights where her skin crawled with the memories of the lives she'd taken, the memories would crawl under the scars where they fought back laid and they stayed there. The scars hurt, all of them, every single one of them, at the same time. It felt like she was going to burst. 

The air pushed down so heavy on her chest, it felt as if her lungs weren't there. Her lungs shriveled up. They packed their backs and went bye-bye. She sat up and rapidly, the air came back in. The air turned into water and the water seeped out of her through her eyes. She sat there for a bit until she felt him moving around and eventually sit up with her. "Harumaki?" The tears kept coming, the memories from under her skin wanted to bounce out and tell him everything. "Harumaki? Are you okay?" He brushed her hair from out of in front of her face and looked into her eyes. Eventually he got her to calm down, he was the normal that got the memories to shimmy away in fear. "I hate having all of these scars. They all remind me of it, it's horrible. I'm horrible." He held her close, he was like a safety blanket, nothing could get through this barrier. He removed one of his hands from her back and gently grabbed her chin and lifted her head up so she could look at him and know he was telling her the truth. "You are not. You're not horrible, Maki." If he used her name, maybe that would make it seem more believable, sometimes it was hard for her to believe anyone, even him. "You are not horrible and you never have been, you didn't control the situation." He moved his hand from her chin down to her arm. He held out her arm and smiled. "Want to know something, Harumaki?" She sniffed and looked down at his hand. "I think of you as a garden of stars. Each one of these looks like a shooting star." He kissed the scar that slightly wrapped around her forearm. "You are not horrible Maki." She dug her head into his chest and sniffed. "I am not horrible.." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much more shorter this time around, but I'll try to make the next longer! Wahh, the only thing I know how to properly write are sad things.. but I actually really like this （￣︶￣）hope u guys did too! <3


	4. sink full

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would you do if you woke up one day and filled an entire sink full of blood? Blood that came from you.
> 
> From your mouth. Would you panic? Would you scream or cry? Would you let anyone know? Let them worry about you and treat you like a baby, force the fact that you are dying and you can never really do anything about it. You can panic and you can worry, you can lay in your bed for what feels like three million hours and remember what it was like to be alive. And you remember what you planned to do. And what type of dad you wanted to be to the kids that would some day come along. Yeah, not happening buddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: mentions of death/thinking of death, blood (obviously), swearing, needles, hospitals and pills. Once again, warnings might not be so necessary if not a lot of people are reading but I never really know! Enjoy, I really like this ヾ(≧▽≦*) hope u guys do too
> 
> this is much more?? strayed from the original theme... the only part when blood is mentioned is at the beginning but yk.. i had the theme in mind i suppose ahaha 😥

What would you do if you woke up one day and filled an entire sink full of blood? Blood that came from _you._

From your mouth. Would you panic? Would you scream or cry? Would you let anyone know? Let them worry about you and treat you like a baby, force the fact that you are dying and you can never really do anything about it. You can panic and you can worry, you can lay in your bed for what feels like three million hours and remember what it was like to be alive. And you remember what you planned to do. And what type of dad you wanted to be to the kids that would some day come along. Yeah, not happening buddy. 

You are not going to meet your soulmate, nobody will want to explore the moon and back with you. Honestly, it's scary. 

Fuck. 

It's really scary. 

Imagine not being able to grow old like that. Imagine knowing your doom is right outside the door and at any second, you'll be pulled from earth, somewhere farther than wormholes go, farther than other universes exist. You will soon be air. Nothing. 

The hardest thing is not telling anyone about it until you'll be on your deathbed. Of course, you have the option.. but would you really want everyone to worry and panic? What if they thought it was a disease? People would never touch you, never again. So it's time to start your daily routine until your impending death, it's easier to have a routine. People say to live out your whole life in the time you have when you're dying, but I feel like that's really sad. I have a right to everything because I'll be gone soon? For what? There's no hope. And maybe I've told everyone else to have hope, but they're not me, they're not going to die yet. They _get_ to have hope because they'll actually live past 17. I've never told this to anyone, but in reality, I'm just a liar. A hypocrite. Honestly, I used to truly be this way, I used to not be a hypocrite, I used to be positive about everything because for a few years, I actually dreamed of a life past 17, I dreamed of a life in my 80's when I'd be on my front porch telling stories to my grand kids, telling them how I saw the moon myself. Dreaming that one day, I'd be like my own grandparents. But I guess everyone is a liar, some people are just really bad at it. I'm so good at it, someone even fell in love with a dead boy. Someone asked dead boy out, dead boy might've said yes. He can't really remember, haha. 

"What do you think your future will be like?" Maki slightly tilted her head. "What?" He shifted around a bit and stopped looking at the sky, he looked directly at her. "What do you think your future will be like? Do you think you'll have kids or something? Maybe a job.. Maybe go to college and get somewhere?" She furrowed her brows at him, "Why? Why are you asking me?.." He smiled at her with a big and bright smile, he shrugged and looked back up at the sky. "I'm curious." She scoffed and sat up from the grass. She sighed and looked at him "I don't know, honestly. I don't know what I want to do.. Kids are annoying, but I feel like i'd want to have my own once I get older. What about you, then?" How are you supposed to answer that? Tell her you're dying? No way. "I _do know._ " He stretched his hand outward and up into the sky, he smiled and kept his eyes in the sky, so it was easier to lie to her face. "I'm going to explore the universe! I'm going to be known as the greatest astronaut ever. I'm going to have kids, as many as we both want, and I'm gonna grow to see my grand kids, they'll know grandpa was _the_ luminary of the stars." Maybe it was easier to know what he wanted because he knew that he was never going to get it. He was forced to dream, there wasn't anything better to do. Maki sat there, she was still staring at him. He swallowed and looked at her. "Hm? What? You wanna be that someone who raises my kids with me?" He smiled wide again, what if she said yes? That's such a dick move. Her cheeks turned red "N-No! Shut up, Idiot!" "Hahaha! I'm kidding, or am I?" She swatted him in the shoulder and turned even more red, "I said shut up!" She was smiling. Everyone was surprised when he made her smile in the middle of class, Maki never showed emotion, she never laughed. Kaito was the one who made her laugh, her smile was so cute. His only mission at this point was to make her smile, the longest he could. Water fell on his nose, he looked up at the sky again. "Yay, rain." Maki chuckled, "Is that supposed to be sarcastic?" "What?! No! I like the rain." Another smile, his cheeks hurt now. "Oh, it sounded sarcastic." He shook his head. "Want to go inside now?" She collected her bag from the ground beside her. "No, actually, I'm gonna go home.. I want a nap." She got up and cleaned off the dirt from her skirt. "Want to come?" He shook his head again. "I've been craving some western food from that one place Iruma took us to." She adjusted her sleeve. "Thanks though, Harumaki!" She sighed and turned around, "See you tomorrow then.." She walked down the hill as quickly as she could, she probably didn't want to get soaked in the rain. I sat on the grass a bit longer, I waited for the rain to come around and shower me. The rain slowly began, it began as a small pitter-patter, then quickly turned into a full on shower. "Kaito?" I spaced out, the only thing I was feeling was the heavy rain hitting me. Shuichi stood at the bottom of the hill with an umbrella. I raised my arm and waved at him. "What are you doing?" Breathing. I got up from where I was sitting, I grabbed my soaked bag, (it's not really like I took care of my notebooks anyway) and stood up, I headed towards him. "You're soaking wet.." He pushed the umbrella towards me as soon as I got near him, I grabbed the top of the umbrella and pushed it so it could cover him instead of me. He handed me the umbrella so it could cover the both of us. "Do you need a towel?" I shrugged, "I don't care, I can dry on my own!" I smiled and he gave me a worried smile. "Let's go borrow one from the gym.." We walked to the storage gym behind the track, he opened the door and walked in. I closed the umbrella and walked in, I was dripping water everywhere, a small puddle of water formed under me. He handed me a towel from one of the boxes, I wringed out my jacket and dried myself the best I could. I ended up using two towels, but there was three boxes full of them so two towels really weren't significant. "Thanks, Shu!" He nodded and smiled at me. "Are you hungry?" I nodded, "I was planning to go to the western restaurant that Miu brought us to. Wanna come along?" "Sure." 

We sat at a booth and ate the food the girl with brown hair brought to us. "Why were you sitting outside?" Shuichi stirred around the ice with his straw and looked down at his food. I shrugged and wiped my mouth, "I'm not sure, actually! Haha. I think I was just spacing out and didn't realize." He put a french fry into his mouth and waited a bit to speak again, "How do you even do that though? Wouldn't you have felt it?..." I shrugged again. When I'm outside, it gets easier to breathe. It doesn't feel like my lungs are filled with something other than air. "I think I realized it was happening but just decided to not get up, whoopsies!" I bit into the pizza, my appetite has been slowing. I'm not hungry as I used to be, I get fuller easier. Nobody believes me since I used to eat a lot and suddenly I don't eat anything anymore, I don't know why anyone isn't suspecting me of anything. 

* * *

* * *

I'm being kept alive by tubes in my arms and a respirator that fogs every time I breathe out. It's dark, I don't really remember much. The moonlight shines through the window above my bed and into the room, on the walls. It sounds so quiet, the only thing I can hear is the dripping of a liquid and a monitor whirring. I focus on my breathing and suddenly the moon turns into the sun. The nurse comes in and talks to me, I don't hear her though. I say sorry and she asks me why I said sorry, I don't respond. She sticks needles and stickers onto me. I get moved somewhere and it's dark for a bit, they bring me back to my room and the nurse talks more. She brings me water in a tiny cup and another cup full of pills. She stands there until I'm able to force the pills down, water follows the pills down. She tells me that she'll be back in a bit, I don't respond again. I stare at the ceiling, I count the tiles until someone knocks on the door. I look at the door and Maki walks in. She looks like she's three seconds away from crying. "Harumaki?" She walks in, I'm still not used to seeing her in anything other than her uniform. "I hate this.." She slides the door closed and walks up next to me, she looks down at me and I look up at her. "Why do you hate it, Harumaki?" I smile and she tightens the grip on her bag, "Because it feels like you're dying." Her voice cracks, my eyes fill with water. I blink so they won't come out. "I _am_ dying, Harumaki." Tears begin to stream down her cheeks and she begins to shake, maybe I should've worded it differently. But now everyone knows, so there's really no avoiding it. I might be on my death bed. I reach my hand out and I take her hand, she flinches a bit, maybe because I'm really cold right now. My hands are super cold, I couldn't keep them under me or together because I'd pull the tubes from my arms. "I'm sorry.. Haha, I'm horrible." She cries more, her voice shakes as she speaks. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" I smiled at her and tightened my hand. "Because I didn't want to make you cry. I'm really a hypocrite, Maki. I'm a liar, I'm worse than Ouma." she sobs harder "You _are_ worse than Ouma, you're so much worse than him.. I- Why wouldn't you tell me? It would be easier to stand here.." She crouches down and hugs me, I let her cry, I let her cry her heart out. I silently cry with her, she's warm, she's like a radiator compared to me. Like the sun, the sun and the moon. She stands up straight and sniffs. "I'm sorry.." I smile, "Haha, don't be." She wipes her eyes more and keeps looking at me. 

She spends her day here, I tell her to go, do something important. She tells me no every single time. I confess my sins to her, I tell her how I've been depressed since they told me I was going to die, how empty I felt each and every day. And how for a long while, she gave me hope. I told her she was my sun, all she did was cry. I don't think I've seen her cry this much, it's fair though. Maki gets up from the chair when the nurse comes in and tells her that visiting hours are over. The nurse leaves us alone so Maki can say goodbye, she kisses me and she opens the door. "Harumaki?" She turns around, she's visibly shaking. "I love you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: yes, yes, i cried while writing the ending lol  
> 2: i'm very afraid of dying myself so writing this scared me and i had to take breaks in between writing because i didn't want to think about it 😔 but overall im??????? super proud of this, honestly, i could imagine kaito just sitting in the rain, i could imagine this whole thing and that's why i cried so much while writing ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ writing sad things are my forte because i'm a really emotionally sensitive person myself and it's much more easier? to put myself in my sad writing because it feels like im just writing down my emotions while making it somebody else's emotions.. don't know if that makes sense.. ( ͒ ˃̣̣̥᷄ꇵ͒˂̣̣̥᷅ ू ͒) thanks for reading if you read the whole thing! sry for rambling lol (～￣▽￣)～ 
> 
> (yes! the space in between is supposed to be there, it didn't glitch, it's supposed to be the place or whatever when kaito isn't aware of what happened)


	5. i'm wondering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> since then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's so many things I've wished for, there's so many more things I will never get

"You hungry?" 

"No, eat mine." 

"Are you sure?" I nod. The door grinds against the wheels and clicks once it hits the frame. 

* * *

"You're not as horrible as you think you are, Harumaki." I squeeze the piece of hair I'm holding in my hand. What does he know? Who is he to tell me that? I stare at what I'd eventually learn were programmed stars. Fake stars. There's no way we'd be able to see so many constellations in one single spot. He still believed it anyway, like he believed everything else so carelessly. "You're not an evil person. You're.. really nice, and sweet." I squeeze the piece of hair harder. I took everything for granted, I told him to shut up so many times. I was poison, I was poison, he let me infect him to the point where he got sick. He got so, so sick. Because of me, sick _of_ me. It was only two years ago but I wish I could slap myself. "You're just hiding." It's like I heard him smile. I was looking away from him, this was so embarrassing for me. Love made me sick. I didn't know what love even was. I didn't know that the weights in my chest were feelings for him. "Stop hiding, Harumaki.." He sounded tired. I would've slapped myself so many times back then. I slapped myself by chopping my hair off, all up to under my ears. I wonder how I would've reacted then, if someone chopped my hair for me. I got up in the middle of the night and I stood under the white, bright light of the vanity, the lights at their highest buzz buzz. "Maki?" 

Shuichi watched me chop my hair off. He hugged me. Nobody's hugs will ever feel like Kaito's, I wish I didn't pull away each and every time. I wish I wasn't so stubborn. There's so many wishes being made but nothing has been done. I tried doing. But it didn't work. He didn't remember, he didn't remember like I did. 

* * *

The nurse slid the door open, I kept my tears behind my lids. He sat on the bed, fidgeting with his nails, looking straight ahead at the wall. I closed the door and he looked up at me. "..Are you another fan?.. I'm getting tired of this.." He's gotta be kidding, there's no way he isn't. "I don't know why I'm getting so much attention, the winners should be the one's getting the attention.. I didn't win, why do people even like me anyway?.. They all accuse me for hurting their "sweet baby Ouma." It's stupid, this whole thing is so stupid." My tears nearly slip out, I sigh and tighten my fist. "Do you not remember me?" He laughs, "Remember you?.. Have we even met before? If you're a stalker, I'll call the nurse. I really don't want to get anything else thrown at me. I'm human too, y'know." "You don't.." He grabs the remote, I pull my phone out and pull up the photo gallery. My stomach twists and shrinks. I feel disgusting even looking at this. I scroll down until it's the trio set. I show him the photo of me, him, and Shuichi. "I won. He did too." He stares at the phone and then looks up at me. "I don't remember anything." 

I got home and told Shuichi everything, he even told me not to go. For my sake. I wish I listened to him.

There's so many things I've wished for, there's so many more things I will never get. I will never get him back. 

Everyone else's memory was wiped, nobody can fully recall anything. Anything, _nothing._ They left us with ours, they're torturing us. They've been torturing us, it's been two years and it still hasn't vanished. The photo gallery is there, they're still making money off of me. I signed a paper, nothing can be done. I can't stand to see Shirogane's face. Looking or even thinking about her makes me sick to my stomach. 

I can't stand it. I can't stand the stars, but for some reason. I always look at them, as if it'll do anything.

He's still there, he's just hiding. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time because for some reason I didn't see the memory/dream prompt until the post popped up on my instagram feed!! Haha........ oops. I planned to do another one for dream but I don't feel like writing more... till tomorrow! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o


	6. saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't look down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha more warnings, u know what that means: sad????????? fic? idk, it's easier to write sad things..  
> suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, scars, blood, swearing  
> please be careful, take care of urselves!! the week is almost up :(

Your soul is connected to your body by a silver thread. You will never get lost. Yeah right. 

I feel so empty and disgusting, horrible and

I felt like paper that could blow away in the wind. I felt like 

"Hey.." I tapped on the desk and tuned everyone's voices out. I didn't want to talk to anyone because what point was there, even? None. That's what's funny. Tap. Tap. "Hey... You listening?.. Hey, Hey.." Tap. "Fuck off already." She let her head lean onto the desk more. "Ehhhhh.. I kinda don't wanna. I'll just lay here till you answer me." Her hair was tangled and matted. My head turned to look around the room, there was a group hunched in a corner, surrounding one guy. What the hell were they even doing? I don't know. "What do you want." I look down at her and put my fingernail between two separating strands. I drag my nail down until it meets a knot. "Brush your god damn hair for once." She shook her head and groaned "It's so hard.. I don't want to." I swiped the hair off of my desk and sighed. "There's going to be a meteor shower tonight, Momota is inviting everyone in the class.. wanna go?" "Even the losers?" "Even Kiibo." Huh, he feels pity for us. "Nobody but his entourage will show up, we'll just get made fun of." She shrugged and planted her face flat onto the desk "Maybe, but If it all goes to shit we can go to the convenience store and hang out there instead...." I sighed. "Let's go then." 

We both went, nobody gave us strange looks, everyone was just split apart, people scattered everywhere. Momota and Amami were setting up a bonfire on the sand, two other girls were helping set up chairs and mats for people to sit on. We sat around until they'd finished. I sat down and Miu sat to my left. There were two open spots to my right, we drank from cups they'd brought, mineral water was the only thing I decided would actually taste good. Momota sat next to me, in silence he brought his knees up to his chest, kind of like a ball. He put his arms on top and burrowed his head into his arms. Everyone was so loud. Somehow he was louder, but nobody heard him. "Hey." I kept facing the fire. Watching the flames rise up and dissapear into the sky reminded me of life. Fleeting, light and sensitive. I kept count of everyone I killed, it wasn't the best thing to do but it let me see how many levels down in hell I'd be. I lost count. "Hey, Harukawa." I turned my head, I looked down and he looked up, he was covering all of his face except for his eyes. Lilac. "Me?" His eyes smiled at me "Yeah. You're cool." I scoffed, "You sound like a child calling a teenager cool, just because they're older." he laughed and tilted his head. "Maybe I am a child, on the inside?" Nobody like him has talked to me, Amami was nice but he wasn't _allowed_ to talk to me, people like me, losers, made it look like some sort of charity work for the less fortunate. "You seem like it." He lifted his head and smiled again. Stars shot across the sky, after the show was over, everyone talked for a while. Kaito turned into a nerd and talked about why shooting stars were a thing in the first place, everyone listened to his drowsy voice. It was soothing, somewhat. Everyone got tired and went home, Miu and I had nothing better to do so we helped clean up. Amami was dragged off by some girls to do Karaoke. Miu picked up the chairs and mats, I picked up cups and bottles. Miu walked off because her mom was threatening her if she wasn't home yet. It was only me and Momota left. "Can I call you Harumaki?" I glared at him. "How do you even know my name?" He smiled and scratched his head, "Why would I invite you if I didn't know your name? I know everyone's name, I'm not some prick, you know.." "You don't even know me." He pulled his coat on. "I don't?" I shook my head "What do you want from me? Huh?" His smile fell and he looked kind of irritated. "I'm not an asshole, I don't just want to get with you or anything." He exhaled and smiled again "I just want a genuine friend." He walked me home that night, I told him I could protect myself. He said he believed me, he said that friends walk home together. 

"You forced me to be your friend.." "Ahh, Did I? I don't remember that." I lightly punched him in the shoulder, "Shut up." He laughed and handed me a piece of paper. I became his genuine friend, and I became more than a genuine friend, I became 

The doors slammed against the wall, he was breathing heavily, there was no more air in his lungs. "Harumaki!!" His voice was shaking, loud and booming. I killed my best friend. Orders were orders, but now I just feel like a piece of shit. I am a tool, I'm disgusting and selfish. I should've said no, lose my life instead of hers. Blood was everywhere, all over me. Her blood was all over me. I grew up with her, she got adopted and grew up into a genius. She was perfect, at the same time she wasn't. She couldn't find a reason to do anything, after primary school, depression hit her like a bus. We looked under every floor board and under every rock. We looked in boxes and in books and there was no answer to it. She was just like that, forever. I killed her, I might've put her out of her misery, but there was no doubt that she could've changed the world. An eye for an eye. "Harumaki!" His loud voice pierced through my skull, I wish it was enough to kill me. I've been scared of heights my entire life, even going down the stairs was a hassle, that's how bad it was. I could kill someone 4 feet bigger, 100 pounds heavier but not ride anything off the ground at an amusement park. Kaito convinced me to go to his apartment, he had a balcony and he wanted me to watch the fireworks with him from there. He held me until I stopped shaking, not once did he laugh at me. I did not dare look down, if I did, I'd get scared off this ledge, I'd fly into his arms and cry. 

Your soul is connected to your body by a silver thread. You will never get lost. 

I feel so empty and disgusting, horrible and useless. How could I do this. 

I felt like paper that could blow away in the wind. I felt like she was watching me, telling me to jump as a punishment. As a punishment for killing her, punishment for being a horrible person, a horrible friend and a horrible sister. She was my sister, we promised. It was like a suicide pact, though at the age of 7 you really wouldn't know that's what it was. We're dying together. I stepped off the ledge. Girls screamed. "Maki!" He grabbed onto my wrist, he held on as tightly as he could, I looked down and slowly I realized what I was trying to do. My heart felt slow and weak. He grunted "Maki, don't let go. Please, don't let go.." He tried pulling me up, gravity had a hold of me. I tightened my grip around his wrist, he reached his other arm over the edge and grabbed onto me, he stepped backwards and pulled as hard as he could. He yanked me over the edge and I landed on top of his chest. He was shaking, really badly. He sat up as fast as he could and hugged me. "Don't do that-" I hugged him tightly and I cried into his shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm, don't question why miu was killed, I really didn't know what to do hbksjdnk- anyway, uhh, i kinda like this? i'm not sure.. `(*>﹏<*)′
> 
> the abrupt cuts r supposed to be there......... 😳 although i am probably stupid enough to not finish a sentence ahaha


End file.
